Ten years ago today I was eager to finally see the alien I had been lugging around next to my bladder for the last nine months. My bag was packed, baby clothes picked out, and my midnight induction was scheduled. I was blissfully uniformed of what life would be like with two children under the age of 2. I was blissfully oblivious of how big this baby was going to be. I was blissfully unfamiliar of how this child, much like all my children before and after him, would steal my heart. I was blissfully unaware how, ten years later, different life would appear. Time marches on, and a decade later life did as well...
Even as I was typing this, I had to take a break to wipe some one's behind. Ten years ago I would never have ever dreamed I would have THIS many children. We were so very lucky to have what we already had...but the forth coming blessings were just that, blessings. While I'm forever outnumbered, the fact that I no longer have a child in diapers brings euphoria. A decade of diapers will give you that. I've never been one to mourn the growth of my children, I was never a baby person. I do however mourn the notion that I probably didn't appreciate the smallest of moments or milestones they had when they had them. Quite frankly, I didn't have the time...thankfully, there's always ginkgo biloba.
With every birthday milestone of my children, I consider it a milestone for me as well. Not to steal their thunder, but let's face it, I didn't sell them to the circus, so we're all winners aren't we? With every birthday, I'm reminded of how far they have come, and how exciting it will be to watch where life leads them. This decade we're celebrating for Abe tomorrow has been nothing short of epic. He has produced hundreds of stories, cracked a million jokes, and continually amazes me with his heart and his ability to use it. Never the pessimist, he can turn even the most swear inducing situation into a joke, and I am grateful at times for his capacity so to do. He understands more about life that most kids his age, and yet has never asked me if Santa Claus is real. He is a very unlikely middle child, who has his ornery tendencies, but what 10 year old doesn't? He at times is my instigator, my sweetheart, and my rock. Understanding that life is what you make of it, and if you want expensive shoes, you buy them yourself.
But thinking over 10 years...it's sort of easy to get lost in it. I would have at one point only looked at the sadness endured or the struggles encountered. Those are always going to be there, but they're not in the forefront. While my best friend April was recently visiting, we had our routine heart to hearts every night. She mentioned something to me, that even sort of shocked me. She said, "Usually, at some point in our visits, you say when am I going to figure this all out...and you haven't..." To me, that was the highest of compliments, the kind only people you love as much as I love her can give. The blinding fact that hit me is that I don't really dwell on that anymore. Seeing the silver lining in things is how I am, but wondering when the race will get easier is just being human. I don't have to have everything figured out, because sometimes in life things just have to fall into place organically to make them work.
I heard a comment a few weeks ago while at the movies with my kids. And while I've washed about 100 loads of laundry, made countless meals, played the role of Wonder Woman while playing action figures with my tiniest, it has still stuck with me. The comment went something like this; If you only do what you can do, you'll never be more than you are. If you think about it, it's a pretty powerful statement. I think it fastened to my memory because it reminded me of my children, our life, how we try to live day to day, and especially Abe. This decade, while it has taught us all a lot, is only the beginning of our story...and thankfully there will be many more.
