So...there are these days. They sort of sneak up on you. You have a plan, you've set a goal, and it appears you're reaching it. Sure you had to hand out two rounds of Popsicles to get it done. Yes, you had to let your nine year old use hedge trimmers (and he still has 10 fingers score!). Undoubtedly, you had to invent some 'game' so that you could clean out the garage fridge, and rake the front yard...you made it through the first round of things you want to do, and it's only 10:30? SNAP!
Clearly, the Popsicles weren't enough. The 'game' got old, and frankly, the longer the kids were outside, they knew they were in for more chores. Frankly, other than making dinner, I didn't have anything else planned...other than getting dirty. Really dirty, like the kind that leaves a ring in the tub kind of dirty. It was the most beautiful day we've had all year long, and we were going to soak it up, but first a little break.
Belly up to the counter at Steak and Shake were we. Oscar was worried, sitting so close to the workers. I think his direct quote was, "they will see me stuffing my face..." I told him, why should I always get to be the one to enjoy that? In my mind, I took a little picture. I took a picture of them, oddly enough sitting in chronological order at the counter. Watching the cooks, and shake makers do their thing. In my head, I wanted to remember them, sitting there earning their chore's reward. Atticus, he made out like a bandit, a milkshake all for not eating dirt...
Later, Nora and I cut up a little watermelon, she's been begging me for one for months. All the while I knew she'd eat one piece and be done. She ate two, but at some point I did hear her say, "...this is livin'" I started the grill, the smalls started digging (the perpetual dirt pile we need to have so they have some place to dig) and Oscar and I started talking. He wanted to know what we were grilling and could he help. Much to his surprise, I said sure...I mean, he survived hedge trimmers, let's move on to fire, shall we?
After sorting out three meals worth of meat to grill, no one but Oscar and I wanted to be outside. I started a bath for the smalls, and Abe asked if he could supervise. Much to his surprise, I said yes. I told him and the smalls NO SPLASHING and I'd be back in 3 minutes. In the snippets of time spent indoors and outdoors there was quality there. The topic of "Geek-dom" came up with Oscar while he was a grill master. I assured him he wasn't. I told him, he was like his dad in so many ways it was astounding, and he wasn't a geek. I checked on Abe and the tub'o'smalls and they were having a blast being silly and loud enough to wake the dead. The day was crazy, and beautiful, and unlike any one we've had in so very long...there was nothing routine about it.
At the 'meat-o-rama dinner' (as Oscar called it), we talked. We told stories. Oscar's story was about a mom that he saw at his school. "...and you know mom, she had a tattoo on her back right above her pant line? And so-in-so said, well that's inappropriate!" I thought the explanation of a tramp stamp wouldn't be necessary at this juncture...more of a Thanksgiving lesson to be learned. We laughed at each other and talked about what we liked most about the day. In my head, I knew some of them. Atticus enjoyed running in the back yard with no shoes or pants on. Nora liked planting flowers seeds in her flower pots. But, I was the most surprised by the Talls response. Abe liked giving the smalls a bath. Oscar liked talking to me outside...
If we never have another day like this, it would be okay. I was reminded that skirting the routine is not only good for you, but at times necessary. I was proven today, that letting go of control, can not only be rewarding for those who want it, but make life a hell of a lot easier. I lay my head down tonight, knowing that it isn't always about quantity, but the quality that can push you through to the next great day...
Saturday, April 12, 2014
...you're gonna want this...
Time is an interesting thing. The older you get, the faster it flies by you. When you have kids, it seems like one minute you are wishing for certain stages to end. Before you know it, they've moved on four stages in the blink of an eye. My ongoing battle, both physically and mentally is knowing I never really spend enough time with my kids...no, I'm not on glue.
The time I spend with my kids, well, is constant. However, it is really rare to spend one on one time with any of them. For me, there are at times just not enough hours in my mental time clock. So, it's come to the point that I am starting to schedule it. When you start to feel like you're living with strangers who never pick up their underwear, you've missed out on something, or at least that's how I feel. The other night, I scheduled one such event, to take Abe and Oscar to confession. Abe was making his first confession, Oscar was unaware that he too would be going. They were a little nervous and I, well, I was really dreading it...
I have admittedly dropped the ball on a few things in my life...more than a few things. There is just no easy way to do all that 'needs' to be done with four kids by myself...I'm not sure I can even use that excuse anymore, but oh well. So, we were going to confession. Nora of course thought it was a party that she should also attend, but I lowered the boom on that. Abe was more nervous about what he should say. "So, what should I tell him?", he would ask Oscar or I. Oscar, being the closet theologian that he is, gave him a list of respectable 'sins' that would pass. Letting him know that he didn't want to go overboard his first time. I let Abe know that while Oscar's degree from the University of Phoenix was in the mail, it was really just up to his own heart to know.
We were there. The tension in our pew was palpable. I gave Abe a leaflet that was in the back of church about examining one's conscience, he gripped it tightly, glancing at it occasionally. At one point, I offered him an 'out'. At first, I wasn't sure if I was proud of that moment, but now I kind of am. I basically told him, in a hushed whisper, "...if you are not ready to do this, you don't have to. This is a commitment, and if you don't feel like you are ready to make it, there is always next year, no big deal..." Honestly, sometimes I wonder... Just because you are in the second grade and everyone else is buying the white dress or navy tie, does that mean you are ready? Does that mean you even understand that you are now an active member in what goes on every Sunday? Does any of this make sense to anyone?...that might be another blog.
So, it's time to go in...there are about a dozen people there, and I have a sitter at the house and I've promised ice cream afterward. I looked at him as if to scream GO ALREADY, and he just looked at me. I thought, be an example. I got up and I was the first one in confession. I came out, noticing my kids were in two different lines behind grey haired women. I thought, well they figured that one out I guess. I watched as they went in their separate rooms. Oscar came out nearly running with a smile on his face. He sat down next to me in the pew, as if forgetting where he was, and said "What's up!?" I whispered, are you forgetting anything? He was, he knelt.
The other door opened. Abe came out. He walked right up to the girl that was next to go to in and hands her his leaflet and says, "...you're gonna want this this..." I nearly died. Clearly he found his confidence in that room, and for that matter, figured out what to say. He also forgot where he was for a moment, bouncing into the pew as if he was flouncing down on the couch next to me. I repeated my earlier whisper, and he knelt for a moment.
Upon the van door shutting, they were chattering like a couple of ladies at a card party. Why they liked their priest? Was it dark in there? It was loud in my room. Did you face your priest? Mine had a soothing voice...But the best question was, "...so Mom, what did you tell the priest?" I asked them what kind of ice cream they wanted and changed the subject...
The time I spend with my kids, well, is constant. However, it is really rare to spend one on one time with any of them. For me, there are at times just not enough hours in my mental time clock. So, it's come to the point that I am starting to schedule it. When you start to feel like you're living with strangers who never pick up their underwear, you've missed out on something, or at least that's how I feel. The other night, I scheduled one such event, to take Abe and Oscar to confession. Abe was making his first confession, Oscar was unaware that he too would be going. They were a little nervous and I, well, I was really dreading it...
I have admittedly dropped the ball on a few things in my life...more than a few things. There is just no easy way to do all that 'needs' to be done with four kids by myself...I'm not sure I can even use that excuse anymore, but oh well. So, we were going to confession. Nora of course thought it was a party that she should also attend, but I lowered the boom on that. Abe was more nervous about what he should say. "So, what should I tell him?", he would ask Oscar or I. Oscar, being the closet theologian that he is, gave him a list of respectable 'sins' that would pass. Letting him know that he didn't want to go overboard his first time. I let Abe know that while Oscar's degree from the University of Phoenix was in the mail, it was really just up to his own heart to know.
We were there. The tension in our pew was palpable. I gave Abe a leaflet that was in the back of church about examining one's conscience, he gripped it tightly, glancing at it occasionally. At one point, I offered him an 'out'. At first, I wasn't sure if I was proud of that moment, but now I kind of am. I basically told him, in a hushed whisper, "...if you are not ready to do this, you don't have to. This is a commitment, and if you don't feel like you are ready to make it, there is always next year, no big deal..." Honestly, sometimes I wonder... Just because you are in the second grade and everyone else is buying the white dress or navy tie, does that mean you are ready? Does that mean you even understand that you are now an active member in what goes on every Sunday? Does any of this make sense to anyone?...that might be another blog.
So, it's time to go in...there are about a dozen people there, and I have a sitter at the house and I've promised ice cream afterward. I looked at him as if to scream GO ALREADY, and he just looked at me. I thought, be an example. I got up and I was the first one in confession. I came out, noticing my kids were in two different lines behind grey haired women. I thought, well they figured that one out I guess. I watched as they went in their separate rooms. Oscar came out nearly running with a smile on his face. He sat down next to me in the pew, as if forgetting where he was, and said "What's up!?" I whispered, are you forgetting anything? He was, he knelt.
The other door opened. Abe came out. He walked right up to the girl that was next to go to in and hands her his leaflet and says, "...you're gonna want this this..." I nearly died. Clearly he found his confidence in that room, and for that matter, figured out what to say. He also forgot where he was for a moment, bouncing into the pew as if he was flouncing down on the couch next to me. I repeated my earlier whisper, and he knelt for a moment.
Upon the van door shutting, they were chattering like a couple of ladies at a card party. Why they liked their priest? Was it dark in there? It was loud in my room. Did you face your priest? Mine had a soothing voice...But the best question was, "...so Mom, what did you tell the priest?" I asked them what kind of ice cream they wanted and changed the subject...
Thursday, April 3, 2014
...the rookie mistake...
Snuggled under a blanket on the couch with Atticus. He turns to me and says something, putting his head on my shoulder. I speak his language, but the kid is hard to decipher. To the untrained ear it sounds like, "...blah, blah, blah..." I turned to him and said, "...did you just say you're so pretty?" He looks at me and plain as day he says, "...No, I said I have a boogie. See?" Rookie mistake, right?
All day long the phrase has been in my head. So, to end the evening like I did wasn't happenstance. It got me thinking of the 'rookie mistakes'. They are at times hard lessons to learn, and at times they are possibly our greatest blessings in disguise. They can happen at any time, bouncing in to secretly shape and form who we are or who we will become. I think about the 'rookie mistake' I made sitting next to a guy at the first frat party I ever went to...it wasn't a mistake. It was my fortune yet to be unearthed. Four kids later, I'm grateful for that frat party, and the After Shock that was being consumed by some. That rookie move shaped who I was in an instant, and I am forever in his debt.
Being overly verbal, rookie mistake? Maybe, but I can carry on a conversation with all of my kids, even the one I only understand. They get a joke, and can deliver a punch line...If that's wrong, I don't want to be right. New found rookie mistake? Grounding two boys might actually be as much punishment for me as it is for them. I'm out numbered 24 hours a day, how would I have known? We are in the final stretch of said punishment, the light is glimmering at the end of the tunnel. While they have driven me NUTS, I feel like they have truly learned a lesson. So, we'll call it a draw.
Catering to my kids whims? Rookie mistake. I think I have hidden under the guise of 'choose your battles, or just avoid them completely'. I'm here to tell you, that's bull shit, and I now know it. I have created a diva of a monster, who has literally been quoted saying, "...I cannot eat peas (or anything green), they make me shiver..." Her mini-cohort also has an arsenal of tricks. The tiny terrorist won't eat, throws a fit, telling you he's leaving the table. But, if you completely ignore him, he bores himself into eating. Who's rookie mistake is that? (insert evil laugh here)
Then there comes the trinity of rookie mistakes that every parent makes. I'm no different, and they wouldn't matter at all if I wasn't doing this alone. So, these are named ÜBER ROOKIE MISTAKES. Mine are as follows: Not asking for help. Freaking out (on myself and my kids). Over planning, and being scared to meander off said plan. I've been told my house could possibly resemble a Nazi camp...not proud of that. Now, like I said, these aren't really that big of a deal...but, when you are the only drinking age adult in the house? They can add up QUICK. Here is where the "Mental Jenga" comes into play, and sometimes I just don't have it in me. Stock up on the Ginkgo Biloba and hope for the best?
Putting myself out there, after losing Jason, rookie mistake? Hardly. I have been reminded of some of my greatest friendships from 20 years. Most importantly how very lucky I am and how very valuable they are. I have been so very blessed to have new friendships. Some people I've known, some I have met out of my new circumstances. Letting these people in who love me and all of my flaws, and at times can even toast them! I'm grateful to all of the above who have reminded me of not only who I can be, but what they see in me.
Lastly, the start of blog writing, rookie mistake? What started out as just a way to not seek therapy or get a 'club card' at a liquor store, has become a great release. I did however make a rookie mistake taking the first offer to get it published. It was a scary concept, thinking this may be my only chance. This was on my bucket list. And when it fell through, it was bitter sweet. However, it forced me to go back and read...and edit...and remember. Remember what I've learned. Realize how much we have all grown. And finally, know that even a rookie mistake can be the beginning of something adventurous...
All day long the phrase has been in my head. So, to end the evening like I did wasn't happenstance. It got me thinking of the 'rookie mistakes'. They are at times hard lessons to learn, and at times they are possibly our greatest blessings in disguise. They can happen at any time, bouncing in to secretly shape and form who we are or who we will become. I think about the 'rookie mistake' I made sitting next to a guy at the first frat party I ever went to...it wasn't a mistake. It was my fortune yet to be unearthed. Four kids later, I'm grateful for that frat party, and the After Shock that was being consumed by some. That rookie move shaped who I was in an instant, and I am forever in his debt.
Being overly verbal, rookie mistake? Maybe, but I can carry on a conversation with all of my kids, even the one I only understand. They get a joke, and can deliver a punch line...If that's wrong, I don't want to be right. New found rookie mistake? Grounding two boys might actually be as much punishment for me as it is for them. I'm out numbered 24 hours a day, how would I have known? We are in the final stretch of said punishment, the light is glimmering at the end of the tunnel. While they have driven me NUTS, I feel like they have truly learned a lesson. So, we'll call it a draw.
Catering to my kids whims? Rookie mistake. I think I have hidden under the guise of 'choose your battles, or just avoid them completely'. I'm here to tell you, that's bull shit, and I now know it. I have created a diva of a monster, who has literally been quoted saying, "...I cannot eat peas (or anything green), they make me shiver..." Her mini-cohort also has an arsenal of tricks. The tiny terrorist won't eat, throws a fit, telling you he's leaving the table. But, if you completely ignore him, he bores himself into eating. Who's rookie mistake is that? (insert evil laugh here)
Then there comes the trinity of rookie mistakes that every parent makes. I'm no different, and they wouldn't matter at all if I wasn't doing this alone. So, these are named ÜBER ROOKIE MISTAKES. Mine are as follows: Not asking for help. Freaking out (on myself and my kids). Over planning, and being scared to meander off said plan. I've been told my house could possibly resemble a Nazi camp...not proud of that. Now, like I said, these aren't really that big of a deal...but, when you are the only drinking age adult in the house? They can add up QUICK. Here is where the "Mental Jenga" comes into play, and sometimes I just don't have it in me. Stock up on the Ginkgo Biloba and hope for the best?
Putting myself out there, after losing Jason, rookie mistake? Hardly. I have been reminded of some of my greatest friendships from 20 years. Most importantly how very lucky I am and how very valuable they are. I have been so very blessed to have new friendships. Some people I've known, some I have met out of my new circumstances. Letting these people in who love me and all of my flaws, and at times can even toast them! I'm grateful to all of the above who have reminded me of not only who I can be, but what they see in me.
Lastly, the start of blog writing, rookie mistake? What started out as just a way to not seek therapy or get a 'club card' at a liquor store, has become a great release. I did however make a rookie mistake taking the first offer to get it published. It was a scary concept, thinking this may be my only chance. This was on my bucket list. And when it fell through, it was bitter sweet. However, it forced me to go back and read...and edit...and remember. Remember what I've learned. Realize how much we have all grown. And finally, know that even a rookie mistake can be the beginning of something adventurous...
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