Time is an interesting thing. The older you get, the faster it flies by you. When you have kids, it seems like one minute you are wishing for certain stages to end. Before you know it, they've moved on four stages in the blink of an eye. My ongoing battle, both physically and mentally is knowing I never really spend enough time with my kids...no, I'm not on glue.
The time I spend with my kids, well, is constant. However, it is really rare to spend one on one time with any of them. For me, there are at times just not enough hours in my mental time clock. So, it's come to the point that I am starting to schedule it. When you start to feel like you're living with strangers who never pick up their underwear, you've missed out on something, or at least that's how I feel. The other night, I scheduled one such event, to take Abe and Oscar to confession. Abe was making his first confession, Oscar was unaware that he too would be going. They were a little nervous and I, well, I was really dreading it...
I have admittedly dropped the ball on a few things in my life...more than a few things. There is just no easy way to do all that 'needs' to be done with four kids by myself...I'm not sure I can even use that excuse anymore, but oh well. So, we were going to confession. Nora of course thought it was a party that she should also attend, but I lowered the boom on that. Abe was more nervous about what he should say. "So, what should I tell him?", he would ask Oscar or I. Oscar, being the closet theologian that he is, gave him a list of respectable 'sins' that would pass. Letting him know that he didn't want to go overboard his first time. I let Abe know that while Oscar's degree from the University of Phoenix was in the mail, it was really just up to his own heart to know.
We were there. The tension in our pew was palpable. I gave Abe a leaflet that was in the back of church about examining one's conscience, he gripped it tightly, glancing at it occasionally. At one point, I offered him an 'out'. At first, I wasn't sure if I was proud of that moment, but now I kind of am. I basically told him, in a hushed whisper, "...if you are not ready to do this, you don't have to. This is a commitment, and if you don't feel like you are ready to make it, there is always next year, no big deal..." Honestly, sometimes I wonder... Just because you are in the second grade and everyone else is buying the white dress or navy tie, does that mean you are ready? Does that mean you even understand that you are now an active member in what goes on every Sunday? Does any of this make sense to anyone?...that might be another blog.
So, it's time to go in...there are about a dozen people there, and I have a sitter at the house and I've promised ice cream afterward. I looked at him as if to scream GO ALREADY, and he just looked at me. I thought, be an example. I got up and I was the first one in confession. I came out, noticing my kids were in two different lines behind grey haired women. I thought, well they figured that one out I guess. I watched as they went in their separate rooms. Oscar came out nearly running with a smile on his face. He sat down next to me in the pew, as if forgetting where he was, and said "What's up!?" I whispered, are you forgetting anything? He was, he knelt.
The other door opened. Abe came out. He walked right up to the girl that was next to go to in and hands her his leaflet and says, "...you're gonna want this this..." I nearly died. Clearly he found his confidence in that room, and for that matter, figured out what to say. He also forgot where he was for a moment, bouncing into the pew as if he was flouncing down on the couch next to me. I repeated my earlier whisper, and he knelt for a moment.
Upon the van door shutting, they were chattering like a couple of ladies at a card party. Why they liked their priest? Was it dark in there? It was loud in my room. Did you face your priest? Mine had a soothing voice...But the best question was, "...so Mom, what did you tell the priest?" I asked them what kind of ice cream they wanted and changed the subject...
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