Pulling up to eight-one-five that day, I knew I would see
changes… I knew that things would look different. Little did I know the
fall-out mentally that would ensue in the hours/days afterward. How does one
put a term to what I was feeling? It wasn’t that of a spouse. It wasn’t that of
a child. It wasn’t that of a sibling. It was all of those on another level.
Pulling up to the house that I have found comfort, refuge, even spiritual
significance in looked different…very different.
I was blessed in the spring, thank you to many friends and
family’s support, to win a yard make-over contest. To me, applying for such a
contest seemed futile, never for a moment thinking that I would win. But, as I
said, due to many friends and family voting for us, we won. For me, the
headache of yard maintenance with boys that never learned from their dad “how
to” mow was an uphill battle. I would walk out into our yard and immediately
grimace at all the work that needed to be done while simultaneously marveling
at how great our yard was. I’m unbalanced I know. At any rate, we won this
wonderful chance to beautify the outside of our house while making it so much
more maintenance free. Their demo day (removing what needed to be out, to
replace with fresh, new, and easy) wasn’t a day I was figuring would be that
emotional…but it was.
I place, more than I had ever thought, a lot of importance
to this house. Like previous mentioned, I’m not sure how to quantify it, other
than a person. Someone you love. Someone you trust. Not someone you are
obligated to by blood. A warm, soft, beautiful something that you feel
connected to. This house has such a presence, physically and spiritually. It
has been my touch-stone over the last year and a half. Comforting me when I’ve
been in doubt. Reassuring me when I’ve begun to question it. This house has
holds a special significance in the deepest part of my heart.
The attachments one holds can’t really be put into words.
Fear. Anxiety. Transition. They are like a symbol of perseverance
and the continuance of life. To me, this house has always been the strong-hold.
The one thing that even if it falls in around our heads, we all have together,
just the five of us. It has been our sanctuary and safe haven when we needed
it. Pulling up to a new version of that, well honestly my mind was blown.
Knowing that this place we call home, held so many more attachments to me than
just an address.
In this whole process hindsight has taught me how easy I may
have had it in the beginning. It has given me a moment to appreciate that time
is a miraculous thing. What once was, has to change as that is the only way to
grow. The routine I once held, is changed up. Three are heading to school in
less than a month. One is breaking free (screaming and kicking) of what once
pacified him. While the façade changes, my heart still holds tight. In that
moment I am able to appreciate what we’ve been through and look forward to our
new reality. Good-bye summer. Good-bye yard. Hello the endless possibilities
that still await us…
No comments:
Post a Comment