When I was approached last fall about buying some magazine subscriptions, I was sort of instantly thrilled. It has been forever since I have had magazines sent to the house, you know other than the AARP ones that are periodically sent to scare the bejesus out of me. Why wouldn't I want to pull something other than a bill out of my mailbox? Yes. YES, I will order two magazines, only for ME, and enjoy every page.
The first of the magazines come, just in time to fend off the ever-lonesome-post-Christmas-feelings. I read my first one cover to cover. It felt good. It had been a while since I read something that wasn't a Highlights magazine. I was however puzzled, when I went to my mailbox and pulled out a health magazine. Did I order this? Even upon mentioning this story to my own sister, her first comment was, "Why are you getting THAT?" Clearly, my health and fitness reputation need not be discussed among those who have known me all of my life. Not that there is anything wrong with these magazines, it's just not my thing.
I have had an interesting body. Right now, at the age of 41, I'm probably the healthiest I have ever been....but what does that mean, really? I'm not going to ever be a swimsuit model and of course the monthly-female-bloat doesn't discriminate when it comes to me...but I'm happy with my body. I grew up not a small kid. I played, ate healthy and was what I thought, just like everyone else. But, clearly I wasn't. I grew up bigger than everyone else, most would just say, fat. For a long time, I felt like I had to look like someone else to be happy, or make others happy. It was always sort of a quiet sore subject. Always trying to find a quick fix, and it would sometimes work. But, sooner or later, I decided that I had to just be happy with myself, no matter what size I was. You don't tell your weight upon meeting someone, why did it have to be an issue? I could be fat AND happy, and I was...
I was so excited to get these magazines, even if I didn't remember ordering the health magazine. Four pages into the health magazine, I felt sad. I read article after article about women who were trying all of these, for what I felt, annoying things to change their bodies, when what they had to start with was beautiful. I felt like I started to develop body dysmorphia. What? Why? Where the hell were these women, and why wasn't someone telling them that the most important thing for them to do is love their body first...then worry about if they should have 6 or 9 almonds for a energy boosting snack...really? Never saw the article entitled, "Let's Have a Good Self-Esteem." Where's the Highlights? I NEED HIGHLIGHTS!!!
After having kids, I don't know what happened to my body, I mean besides the strange and wondrous things that being pregnant can do. I don't know if it was because I had someone to look after that was way more important than worrying with pant size I wore or if it was because I learned that change can only happen if you love yourself enough first. I wish I could tell the 21 year old me, "You know, the best way to look is confident...the rest will fall into place." Hindsight, it's perfect isn't it?
Now having kids, I am sort of silently vigilant that I try to instill the right way to look at bodies...theirs, mine and others. The most important thing to do for your body is to take care of it and everything in moderation. Not all people are built the same, and every shape is beautiful. Are we a little too sedentary? Yes, but it is winter and we'll make up for in when we can get the devil out of this house and burn off some steam. I would rather make sure I'm teaching my kids about healthy balances in their diet than depriving them of a treat now and then.
The simplest idea, of course a hard concept to develop, is loving yourself frees you off all the bullsh** baggage that get in the way of what ever it is you want to conquer. Plenty of pills out their to take, snake oil, lectures to listen to...none of it will work if you don't find a way to love yourself in the skin you are in. Put down the health articles, page 45 can't tell you how to love yourself...you can.
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