...just finished my shift at San Quinten

Kids misbehave, it is a part of life. It is how they learn boundaries, sense of self and right from wrong. Sounds like a load of crap, I know, but it is what it is. I remember when I didn't have to play both good and bad cop, I was a lot stricter when it came to the rules. I was like a drill sergeant, and while it probably looked like I just finished my shift at San Quintin, everyone was more or less well behaved. And then I became outnumbered...

But, as time pressed on I was sick of being a witch all the time, so I learned not to "choose my battles." I loathe that phrase. It basically means, sorry, while you know you are right, your child will be allowed to act like an ass-hat on this occasion. I'm not having that. I moreover just used avoidance and deaf ear, knowing that they knew they were acting like ass-hats, why should I have to remind them? From time to time, I would have to walk into my room alone and do a routine of silent obscenities and rude hand gestures, get it out of my system and start over. It was a system that worked for a while, but with age should come wisdom, and when that doesn't happen, the bulldog comes out of me.

As my kids get older, the things that they are into of course have changed. Any honest, like brutally honest mother, should admit that technology sometimes is a double edge sword. While you know it might be rotting your precious offspring's brain, isn't it quiet? Isn't it a nearly-spa-like-setting-quiet when kids are engaged on an electronic device? At times you just need some damned peace and quiet that board games and kids playing outside just cannot compare to. So, it builds-your dependence and theirs on this form of entertainment. But, like I said, as my kids get older, this form of entertainment has also become public enemy number one when it comes to punishments. If you are old enough to be on said devices, you are old enough to do what you are told...until you don't.

So, a few things happen, things are said and jobs are ignored, I let it slide. Meanwhile, the internal powder keg brewing a special concoction of dealing with adolescence and old lady hormones. And then it blows! The normal punishments just seem mundane, it's time to go all in in this poker game. Hell hath no fury like a kid that gets pulled off electronics here. I can only equate it to possibly getting put in solitary confinement as my kids portray it. Is it really that bad? No. Is it really more of a punishment for me? Yes. Is it really apparent that this punishment cuts them off at the knees? OH YES, and that is why I continue it.

It's like watching a sociological experiment, like I'm watching PBS in my house. The first day, they sort of walk around aimlessly, as if they don't know what to do with their hands. It's like watching someone come down off drugs, confused/angry/erratic. I give them a list of busy work to occupy their time if they choose and they just look at me, dumbfounded. The second day, still not knowing what to do with their hands, seems to bring on some emotion with it. I hear people complaining of "looking" at each other. People start infighting for really inconsequential situations. While I know this isn't killing them, I also pray they are actually learning a lesson. Cut to me, chuckling from the laundry room as I hear the noise of kids actually arguing about where they are putting their legs on the couch. It's as if all of their senses are now heightened, and it's hilarious. They make it to school, only twitching a little

The real problem wherein lies with the fact that half of my precious offspring are as tall as I am. There is nothing thing worse than losing viable credibility when you have to look up at someone while you are having an argument. Where are the articles on parenting to giants but still feeling like the adult? Oh yeah, I haven't written them yet. So, the saga continues. While I now work a different shift at San Quinten, my job title has been slightly altered but I am still within the same pay grade. Misbehaving won't get you out in 5 to 10 on good behavior, but it will have your electronics snatched for an unspoken amount of time...have a great weekend.

...the Green Bean Standoff of 2014

The two worst words you could say to a control freak? IT'S FINE... What's fine? Are you even fixing the problem? Do you know that I possibly know 3 ways to fix it? Do you know that "its fine" didn't even really answer the question I asked you? Hello, my name is Kate, and I am a control freak. Everyone has flaws, no one is perfect. Some flaws you have to embrace, some flaws you work at hiding and others keep you awake at night. I chalk it up as being human, everyone feels this way. However, when you see your worst traits in the humans you are trying to raise into upstanding citizens of society...

Talking to Abe about his birthday, I asked him what he wanted. He is at that age where toys aren't really on his list, clothes while appreciated are kind of boring and he really doesn't need another pair of shoes. I told him that even his Christmas list was a little skint, to which he agreed. He looked at me and said,"...don't take this the wrong way, but I really would just like some money." Eleven years old. Interesting, as I was probably still playing with Barbie at his age, but I kind of get it. But the control freak in me had me worried for a minute. Could I be raising someone who only longed for the almighty dollar?

I pondered his response and I said, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's not about just wanting money, more about you really don't know what to say when someone asks you what you want, right?" He said, EXACTLY. I totally get it. I too am the same way. I'm not sure if it is the control freak in me, indecisiveness or just the feeling like I want to really think it through. What I want? No one really asks you these questions when you get older, and when they do it is sort of a letdown as usually what you want is something practical. The reason no one ever says "Lousy with adulthood."

Stubbornness...it runs rampant in this house. I wonder where they get it. At first in my journey of motherhood, it was about ridiculous things like vegetables. Don't get me wrong, the Green Bean Standoff of 2014 is still discussed, mainly in hushed reverent tones. Those "stubborn tendencies" are more about not wanting to do something you know you should. But lately, stubborn has a less cute-and-cuddly connotation to it. It is now the standoff of who can proclaim their independence the best. While some things you just have to walk away from, cross your fingers and hope that they'll forget why they need/want/desire to wear only their underwear around the house...some others, well I'm sure there is a therapy session that could possibly help. I keep telling myself, this is supposed to happen, the sooner you ignore it, the sooner they will move on to some other equally annoying phase.

The ability to say, I'm sorry. Words fly fast around this house full of fast talking, quick witted, slightly sarcastic individuals. I'm glad they have the ability to "use their words" so to speak, but I'm vigilant on constantly teaching them that the two most important words they will ever use are, I'm sorry. Act quickly. Be sincere. Learn a lesson. Move on. Sometimes it goes in that order, sometimes it doesn't, but it is something that keeps me up at night wondering if they will ever learn the right order.

Pack mentality. I see it all the time. I'm not sure if it is because of what they have been through at a young age or if it is just the survival of the fittest. When my kids get around other kids, sometimes it is like they speak another language. They're not quick to include others in their game. They'll make pleasantries with a person, and then they're off, playing someone they see nearly every minute of their day. Why is that? Why wouldn't you want to mingle? Make a new friend? I've asked Nora before why she does this, and her reply is that she shy and has enough friends. Wow, there's a Hallmark movie waiting to happen.

All of these things, while not that big of a deal to most, leave my inner control freak mentally chewing on her nonexistent hair and rocking herself under the kitchen table. Every day, when I drop my kids off to school I say two things, slightly to embarrass them, but mostly to have them walk into school and think about what I said. Today, I realized that I need to say the same things to myself. So, in 2017 I have to try to let some of these things go, "make good choices" and remember "life is tough, but so are you."