...interspersed with sarcasm and mockery

Well, you might not know this…but we have been chosen. We are special, and not like “eats paste” special. Yeah, it is a pretty big deal. I can hardly believe it myself. I’ve woken up every morning for the last week and nearly pinched myself. My family, has been chosen, out of millions of other families and households in the United States…to be a Nielson Rating family. Was it the vast responsibility? Was it the very crisp $7 I was sent in the mail? What was it that made them choose us?

I have literally spoken with someone from Nielson more times in the last 3 weeks more than I have spoken to family members over a year. They are concise, informative and if I wasn’t willingly doing it, I would be terrified as they almost have risen to that of the Columbia House Music Club in their ability to track me down. So, yes, Brenda, Todd and Alex, I appreciate your calls and I will let you know if I somehow lose the ability to write down what I am watching for the next week.

We are driven by TV in this house. I’m not proud of it, but especially during the topsy-turvy mid-west winter season, it is all we have. However, I was blissfully unaware of the fact that we are “flippers.” We like to channel surf as much as watch shows. Cut to me yelling from the kitchen sink the first morning of the TV diary, “What are you watching NOW?? I have to write all of this down!!”

Seemingly, since this week of writing down every damn thing we watch, the TV has barely been on…Odd but good. The lofty responsibility of being informed humans weighs heavy as you don’t want the shows you do watch to really say that much about you. Do I watch HGTV this much?! How is it possible that I watched “Say Yes to the Dress” this much? We need a little PBS in this diary to make sure we don't look like we are watching Cops, Jerry Springer and the Kardashians...thankfully we do not watch any of those, but I digress. Being chosen? How did that happen and is there a lesson here to learn?

We admittedly watch a lot of cooking competitions. It's entertaining and educational if we ever decided to cook duck confit. We also admittedly mock the contestants and their willingness to throw out some sob story when they need to. Oscar actually said last night, "Is it a qualification to get on these shows if your mom/dad/grandma/grandpa/aunt/cat died? It is the same sob story, just different species!" His statement, which not far from the truth, really got me to thinking.

Why are we chosen? Not just for Nielson, but even the bigger picture. Why are we chosen to experience the lives we do? Is it nature or nurture? Is it predestined or do we always make the bed we have to lie in? As a parent, you hope and pray that your best is good enough, and that you have the ability to recognize when it is not. Oscar's statement said a lot more to me about how he views the path that was chosen for him. Clearly, he doesn't hold being the oldest male in this house as some sort of sob story. Clearly, he understands that life happens, and blaming it will get you no further through it. It was eye opening, this little comment, interspersed with sarcasm and mockery, as most things in this house.

So, thank God for HUMP DAY, as it means we have less than 48 more hours to be part of a Nielson Rating Family...please don't invite us to the reunion this year. Was it worth the $7? Not really sure that it was. We're never going to cook duck confit or stop channel surfing, but thankfully, I paid attention to a few nuggets of wisdom from my overly opinionated 12 year old, and that was totally worth being chosen.

 

 

 

 

 

It's take your pants off Tuesday!

Well, I admit it. I was smug. I was cocky that we'd survived this winter unscathed with anything other than the need to make up games to entertain ourselves. You know, the ones that would possibly put us directly into straight jackets if we tried to explain during a psychiatric evaluation. We had survived this brutal winter with no sicknesses...until yesterday.

Ninety dollars and forty-five minutes in a very small examining room, you can do a lot of soul searching. Why my kids find it fun/necessary to think they have to strip down to get their throat examined? I have no idea. While the very patient doctor was asking all the questions she needed, her patients were listing every single thing that ailed them. I cannot be sure but I think one patient complained of fingernail sensitivity.

Meanwhile, Atti was tearing into anything that wasn't nailed down. Opening drawers, pushing buttons and inspecting the built in stirrups at the end of the examining table.  As I barricaded the door so as not to have a runner, it occurred to me that we were not going to be so lucky with this visit. Sinus infection, two cases of strep throat, and a skin eating bacteria...and it was only Monday? Not exactly sure if Atti and I have anything to diagnose yet. Fairly certain the CDC hasn't even classified what we may be brewing. We lie in wait...

This harsh winter has given many time to do a little soul searching. It's given the members of our "exclusive club of crazy" many goals to set for ourselves. You know, when we can once again venture outdoors without having to check to see if we are missing digits to frost bite. It has also, while at times maddening, found us acknowledging our triggers, our limits to lunacy, and the ability to laugh when basically there isn't anything else to do. When it's that cold, you actually have to stay indoors...and talk to each other! Foreign thought that shouldn't be, but it's true. I've told stories, heard stories, and we've made up stories. We've rearranged furniture, got creative with cooking (who am I kidding, mac-n-cheese is still a food group in this house). We've cleaned out closets, not dusted or mopped enough, but thoroughly discussed a garden.

Popcorn for dinner? Yes. While meagerly finding out guacamole isn't worth gagging over there have been triumphs. How else would kitchen-floor-spatula-Ping-Pong have been invented? Or the fact that while 'Take Your Pants Off Tuesday' is usually an afternoon event, Atti believes it isn't limited to Tuesday. The fun to be had with boredom will not probably be remembered a year from now, but it's how we are surviving. Well, a full liquor cabinet is helpful too...