... like talking to a cabby who speaks broken English

Oh...the New Year! So many rare and wonderful things to discover, so many habits to be broken, so much hormone-drama-riddled-madness...and we are only two days in. Really, I try to look at every New Year as a chance to not only kick some bad habits, but more over a time to adopt new attitudes. Looking at this year ahead of me, I'm making a conscious effort to remember that 2017 is a glass that is half full. Those silver linings that I've always cherished need to be written down or furthermore noted at the end of each day. At times they have been hard to see lately, but like I said, it's a new year so here we go.

There have been some subtle changes happening in this house, well not subtle, but everyone is getting older, acting older and more independent. There would have been a time when I longed for such things, but when they creep up on you like a cheap pair of underwear, instead of appreciating it, I have been taken off guard. It's the end of  the "veggie tray" era in this house. My children are "manure-ing"(aka maturing) as my parents put it when I was younger. I now see the hidden meaning in it, because sometimes it stinks. With maturity thrust among us, there have been a few things we have decided to banish, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

I was reminded by Abe the other day in the car, "It's less than a month until my birthday, and we haven't gone out for our special-pre-birthday-day..." CRAP! Dang-it! I totally forgot about that. I started it last summer as a way to take each kid out before their birthday for some one-on-one time with them, because let's face it, in this house-it's rare. We go out for a meal of their choice, they get to pick out an outfit and we just do something, just the two of us. With every kid it is different. With some of the kids, I was shocked to find that I needed to get to know them more, their likes and dislikes. With most every kid, the time is spent with a little indecisiveness as usually we run our show like a democracy. Who knew choosing a place to eat would be so frustrating? Initially there is a lull in the conversation on this outing, because like I said, it's rare. Today, was my day with Abe, and it was no different.

Thirteen miles. Thirteen miles from our little town to the next bigger one down the road. Thirteen miles of attempts to start a conversation by me, to which I was given the response, "...I don't know?" Whew. I'm not going to lie, I was worried after the ninth response of "I don't know?" These weren't tough questions. What are your likes? What are your dislikes? What do you want to be when you grow up? Finally, I just asked, "Ever shot a man in Reno just to watch him die?" To which I at least got a, "...huh?" With every date, I am bluntly reminded that I possibly do not know my kids the way I thought I did. The conversation usually picks up with time, but man, that first hour is like talking to a cabby who speaks broken English. Rest assured my next 'birthday date' will be much easier because he spends more time with me than anyone. Atticus has already told me that we are going to McDonalds...cheap date, I like it!

It was around Christmas that I started to notice there were a few phrases, habits and behaviors that really need to be banned in 2017. We're not talking devil worshiping, but just some things that really, if they could be replaced or outlawed all together, life would be a little easier. Here are the following things put on the "NOT IN 2017 LIST" this evening:

1. "I didn't know..." Last I checked, we all speak English in this house, there is no language barrier. If you DON'T KNOW, simply ask, I guarantee someone does.

2. "I tried..." I believe in trying your best all the time, but if it is your go-to answer, and you know the truth, don't go there...do some soul searching first. "I tried to clean my room, but I couldn't..." not buying what you are selling. Go try to shower, please.

3. YOUR OWN NAME. If someone says your name, do them the courtesy of looking at them or responding after the FIRST time they say it. If someone is required to say your name 3 times before you can answer, it's time for a Miracle Ear.

4. "No one told me..." Really? I mean, really? No one told you that you shouldn't put soda in your water bottle before bed? No one told you that you shouldn't light things on fire in my living room? No one told you that you shouldn't tie things to the cat's tail? You see where I'm going with this.

5. "I'm going to make sure I pee in the toilet today, mommy, as a special Christmas gift to you..." said in possibly the sweetest voice, but I digress. My response was, "Sweetheart, every day CAN BE Christmas!"

6. COURTESY FLUSH...or become a plumber.

7. If you complain about the processes of the management, you will be given the job to do for no less than one month...think hard about what a control freak the management is...this could be painful.

8. There will be respect, and not every thought you have HAS TO BE UTTERED. If I teach my kids nothing in 2017, I will teach them when respect is given freely, life is much more pleasant. Every word, every thought that passes your lips, you cannot take back...choose wisely.

We are ready and eager to see what 2017 holds, armed with our new list of habits to be broken. Here is to you and your 2017, hoping you find every day's sliver lining BEFORE sitting on a wet toilet seat!