Going to church is like an Olympic event. I feel as though if I make it through the whole thing, and we are all still alive, with a furrowed but moistened brow from fighting a FREAKISHLY strong two year old for an hour...I await the interview from the commentator at the door....
"So, Kate...How do you think you did? There was a time during the Lord's Prayer when it looked like it was all going to fall apart..."
"...Well Frank... I'm not going to lie...I ran out of animal crackers at a crucial point of play and to say it was touch and go...well, I'm just glad I finished....See you next week..." -end scene.
Today...it was no exception. I love the town we live in, it has all the best a small town has to offer. The only thing I miss is being a little anonymous. You're late to church, you miss church, your kids like to pick out a wedgie at church...it's all being seen. If you go to mass at another church, you better tell one woman there, as she will remind you every time she sees you that you were clearly missing...up note that I have to remind myself, at least someone even cares.
Today, I felt like I had all my ducks in a row. Snacks, drinks, Kleenex, toys, pacifiers, I had it...except the church envelope. For some reason, when my kids get into church, it's as if they forget HOW to take off their coats. They just sit down and look at me...with my duffel bag of tricks and a howler monkey two year old on my hip, I shoot them a look of, okay, what do you think you do next? Everyone adapted, an early request for a snack denied and quickly discussed that underwear were not a topic for church conversation. Interestingly enough, I no more say that, than I'm taking off my coat, and my sweater and shirt get statically STUCK. As I'm taking off my coat, half of my clothes come off of one arm, and boom all of the right side of church gets to see my DAY GLOW bra...classy...may have to start sitting in the back of church.
But, the strangest thing happened today...I was given my leisure. I wrestled the howler monkey into submission and before I knew it...for the first time...he fell asleep, snoring and clutching a plastic dinosaur. I actually heard what was being said and actively participated. It was appreciated, thank you so much who ever had a hand in it. Afterward, this kind gentleman who sits behind us put his arm around me and told my how well behaved my kids were. I thanked him, shot him a wink, and assured him that I hadn't drugged any of them...today.
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